Over the past few months, I’ve been tasked with reexamining what it is to be in different types of relationships. I’ve always observe how we interact, who it is we become attached to, and why some go by the way side, while others we will fight tooth and nail to keep the relationship going.
I’ve always been a loner. Not that I haven’t had people around me, I’ve just always been guarded as to keep from getting hurt. I found that by not letting people in, and only allowing them to see the softer sides, then I would be fine and make it through. As time moved forward I found that there’s a longing for something real, something deeper. Growing up I was always fascinated with the relationship between Cory Matthews and Shawn Hunter on Boy Meets World. I found it intriguing to see two people so intertwined into each others lives that to not have them there would almost tear them apart.
I’ve always been scared of relationships of any kind. I’m an interesting personality. I think that I”m someone who, although people think I’m an open book, is hard to get to know. I hide parts of myself as to not offend, but I’m also terribly blunt in cases that I shouldn’t be, and find that I often find it very easy to offend people and push them away. When people get close, I expose the darkest parts of my personality, almost in an effort to see who will stay, and who will leave.
This year, I have reexamined so many types of relationships. I’ve realized who I let in close and who I don’t. I don’t throw the phrase Best Friend around to everyone I know. Three people hold that title in my life currently. Maybe these people change as we change. They come and go in life, as we move and life changes. There is always the hope that several stay no matter what. And I’ve now realized there are people who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want them to be a part of everything in my life, who i share every laughter and tear with, and who I grow old with. They may not be the future spouse, or the person who you ever have romantic feelings toward. These I call “Soul Mates.” They’ve become the people who know me intimately on a soul level, who knows what I need when I need it, and hopefully are there for me in the same capacity I am for them. These are the people I want in my life more of, and to stop pouring myself into people who don’t seem to matter.
I’m learning in 2015 to be happier with myself. To be with the people who matter, and be around the people who appreciate me for me, and I them. In essence, I don’t fully know what that will look like, but I believe that it will be a better year if I do so. That doesn’t mean I’m rebooting everyone. There are people so close to me they could crush me if they wanted to, and they know that.